PAIN AND PASSION

He said that he is taking it off right now,

Because he did not understand just how,

How he is going to be with her and take that vow,

So before it is too late he will take a bow.

I knew in my right senses she was more real,

And I was fooling around trying to steal,

What was never meant to be mine and make a deal,

Which I would forgo and never with him make a seal.

Told him honey please don’t take off that ring,

Me & you were never meant to have a special thing,

Can never be, never work so please do not cling,

We just had a typical casual no strings attached fling.

I had to let go because we were never meant to be together

Don’t judge me wrong because for me it’s even harder,

To see him go and be happy-ever-after with another,

So I let go hoping life will get better.

Another episode of love, denial and deception,

Of how emotions get tangled up yet form a partition,

The voids we bear searching for our completion,

We never learn the sequence ever a repetition.

For yet another time stuck in our own world,

As another thrilling and confusing event unfold,

The common mystery often experienced and foretold,

Yet we get to see in blur the words written in bold.

What is from what isn’t

The deepest desires of any human being is to be appreciated, needed, accepted, understood and loved. It explains why we have friends’ circles and why we act nice and pleasant to those we care about; why we put up with them even when they are wrong or infuriate us; why we seek love that comes not only from those we are related by blood but go an extra step to those we have no bonds with; why we look out for our loved ones so that we won’t see anyone hurt them. Basically it makes us feel worth and brings a whole lot of sense as to why we should live life and not just exist.

Among the many kinds of friendships, relationship with opposite sex is most sought. It makes two people feel like they belong together with each other. 88% of songs relate to the state of love which identifies two people together and phases they go through when in love. How they want to be cared for, their various expectations, what hurts them most and such. People at some point in life feel like they need this kind of love and it feels like their sole reason of existence which however is not.

They say behind every cynic is a frustrated romantic and I am neither of these. It is simply proper to sideline feelings and view things from a fair ground. For starters, as people, with our obnoxious desire for love, we tend to fall for just anyone who comes in our way showing the tiniest of real interest. It is like a game where trial-and-error is allowed to the widest extent. As desperate one might be, I most definitely do not believe that all frogs coming your way should be kissed before identifying your true prince(ss).

In the context of what the heart wants, the heart gets; it is true that we go for our heartfelt desires and people depending on how deep we are involved. It is most definite a great feeling to want someone and be wanted in return. To identify that one person you would like to spend your life with and build on your dreams together. It has to be 1, not 2or 5 people. Working on a relationship with one person is tedious enough, wanting to work with different people is simply senseless. When there is something wrong with your partner the red lights and alarm go off in your head, but we tend to ignore the most obvious signs and hope for things to go right. Clearly we are to blame for agony we go through with heartbreaks as we tend to try even harder to work things out that lead nowhere.

Purely physical relationships with no attachments seem to be at the top of the trend. Friends with benefits, having casual fun for convenience purposes for both parties involved is an adventure that many indulge. Getting physically intimate with someone you don’t appreciate is like opening the Pandora box metaphorically speaking. It is never purely physical simple. It is either a rebound over a past experience or a lie we want to live in. If two close friends choose to indulge it interferes with their closeness at some point.

Commitment is one thing that scares people. A whole lot of questions run in our minds like:- what if they are not the one; what if they are just lying; what  if they are not good enough or I am not good enough; how pretty are their exs and how close were they; how different are we from their exs; what if they are not completely over them; what is in their past and can we cope with it; what if we get too involved and find out we can’t cope/compromise; what if they die... When someone’s love is lost, their life is completely thrown off. It happens and that is how life is. As insecure and inferior one may feel, you have to find the guts and say it is your chance to try things out, the person is worth the risk and hope for the best.

Love is an inducement of the mind and heart. There is no expert in how, when, where we fall in love. It is something that works itself out when we thought it wouldn’t. It depends on the two people involved, their creator and destiny. Simple!!!

Yours truly,

Alpha female

RECIPE FOR A GOOD RELATIONSHIP

Being in love, falling in love, living in love... it sounds so cliche! Whenever we see mushy status updates our facebook friends write we kind of get disgusted and wonder how they got themselves in such a position in the first place. Worse yet is when we know the guys/ladies they are dating, and we have seen them at their worst. It tends to beat odds as to why or what our friends saw. Anyway that is being purely judgmental and it is very wrong. In other words, life happens.

To-date I still wonder, what is the force that makes two people live happily for 40 years+ together. Two people who were not raised together, who met after their formation stages meaning every good and bad thing about them come in 1 package and can never be altered. Yet they cope with life as if they belong best together. More like fitting a diamond into its perfect ring. The mysteries of life and love leave one to wonder ever.

At times don’t you just wish there was a formula to fall in love. Whether involving chemistry or statistics, at least we could work it out. The love calculators are fake so I tend to believe and if they work, I clearly don’t understand. Even the powerpuff girls are easier to make: sugar, spice and everything nice... But then unfortunately there is no formula whatsoever, so I tried to come up with a list of what is incorporated to constitute a good relationship.

Friendship between two people is a basic requirement to making something strong. It runs deep to not just being acquaintances but close to confidants. It is a two-way thing where both get to share deeply to what others do not know. They have to feel special to each other. It takes time to create such a bond, to give it a meaning. That is why lovebirds tend to have code names that everyone else does not know. It strengthens their bond and creates a cocoon around them where they grow together emotionally.

A relationship requires investment of emotions and anything relevant as the object of your desire is to make your partner feel loved. It requires sacrifice of yourself to do something that will make your partner feel more appreciated. Trust grows when two people lock themselves in their world, feel the desire to involve each other in their everyday life and learn each other.

 There is risk involved when you get attached to someone but if it is what one wants, it is approvable. Besides that no one really knows where it all leads to. Taking baby steps all the way seems hard but is vital as 2 people get to understand whether they seek same things. It is a mutually inclusive thing where 2 people depend on each other and share a lot in common yet they have differences which the other complements. It is about giving it your best shot by letting your heart go out to where you decide. It happens that when you give your best to something, no matter how it ends up, it never haunts you for not having had tried. At times even your closest friends do not approve, they are afraid for you but if it is what you want, they back you up all the way. Hearsay spoils everything; it is best ignored even when somewhat true.

It happens that when we are attracted and connected to the wrong people, things go sour and we look messed up. We decide never to explore and take such risks. Practically we lock up our feelings and do rebounds perfectly. Then we get someone who revives our feelings which had been so carefully and neatly tacked away. Remembering what the past holds for us, we either: rush things up to waste them or channel them back to the people of the past trying to reconnect. It sounds twisted. It further adds to our agony. At the end of the day, whether or not to explore is a decision that lies on us solely, it is all about the worth we see in someone, the attraction, how ready we are, the will to take the step in that direction. Pure love never returns void.

The Ways of A woman In Love

For today, I will tell you two stories, about the two types of women that exist in this world. Basically, there are only two types of women as per how ‘we’ relate to companionship issues. That means there are only 2 paths to which a woman can choose to follow, any additions ones are branches that lead to the same paths one time. Challenges are always there and they change with new eras.  Be your own judge as to what they should have done with their lives but the truth is, they lived as they chose to.

Female A: She was brought up in the village setting. Hers was a poor background. Her education was hindered by poverty. Since she was an average performer, she couldn’t get a spot at the public university.  She opted for a tailoring course at a local college. Time elapsed. She had her share of ‘frogs’, some she took too serious. Life taught her tough lessons every time! She became immune. Built this walls around her that no one could ever get through.  The world to her was an unfair ordeal where people either got used or used other people. The wits were her survival means. Anyone she spotted as prey, she would turn predator on him. Mostly, what she needed was financial support.

Then came someone who saw the worth in her. He took her from that level, took away all the responsibilities, tried to wipe off all the mess…. (sounds fictional, but it happens). He saw the best in her at her worst. And for her, she saw the kind of a man she had been wanting. She treated him like she should, nurtured what they had, ensnared him in her traps, he had never been more certain. Since there were no doubts from the beginning till years down the marriage, they were happy.

Then one day a misunderstanding triggered a long chain of hidden emotions; not that they never had any, but it involved allegations made about another woman. The devil within took its toll. First she packed up n went to her ‘birth’ home, the hubby came with his people, apologized and they went back together. However things were never the same again, she became uncontrollable! With the status and wealth she had acquired with her hubby, she had become ‘someone’ in the society. This one thing triggered a blow of events:

1^st Account – becoming a female activist and feminist

2^nd Account – vying for a political seat as a councilor

3^rd Account – zero tolerance for in-laws (saw them as a nag for trying to contain her)

4^th Account – being caught up in hauling abusive words and involvement in brawls too

5^th Account – throwing chairs at the mayor (who happened to be her hubby’s pal) e.t.c.

Call it madness, I call it unquenchable fury. Once a sweet motherly woman to an uncontrollable power-thirst being.

Female B: Her background was no different from that of ‘female A’. She wasn’t academic-wise better either. She chose to pursue a diploma in teaching. Then furthered to a degree much later, courtesy of 2 harambees her family organized. She wasn’t luckier wit dudes either. She would get heartbroken and pick herself up and completely move on. Nothing altered the way she loved, she only perfected it. Down the line Mr. Right came. They got hitched. Everything was perfect bliss I tell you. She had no problem with him drinking. Though he would not come home on some several nights, he would have the right answers (excuses) with him. She trusted him. I mean, he was different, she knew him better than anyone else did.

Then one night, he was out with the ‘guys’, comes home drunk as usual and she delays opening the door for him. He beats her up until she screams out for her neighbors to come help. As expected, the usual honeymoon period followed. He even nursed her wounds. He did it again and again… Neighbors tried to convince her to go back home but she wouldn’t. What followed was worse! He came home yet another night, drunk silly with…..  another  woman! He gave her the usual greetings-beating and ordered her out of their bedroom. That time she was nursing her CS wounds after delivering 2 perfect girl twins. The following morning, he ordered her to warm water for him and his ‘lover’ to bath. This became a routine.

Her surgical wounds would not heal from the regular beating. Still, she would not hear about going home. One day one of the twins at age of 3 got suddenly ill and passed on at the hospitals reception, in line waiting in line for a clinical checkup. The woman kept her head up. She bore more of the beatings and putting up with other women in her home. She got pregnant. This time, her skin paled up. She confessed she was not feeling well at all. After delivering her child, she was told by the doctors not to breastfeed the child. She kept strong but her body could not bear any more. Two years down the line, she passed on, left 2 lovely kids behind and still loved her husband to her last breath.

The tales of two women who lived similar lives at first but ended up in different paths. Sentimental is it not?? Love… what we all want/hope/need. When I heard the last story, I decided there is no expert in love. It just flows; it is a kind of insanity if I may call it so. Judging people by whom, why, when and how they came to love is irrational. What the heart wants, the heart wants. Both women were in love, irrespective of how they ended up. For the men, I have no say and no blame... (I wish!! Especially the last one!! Nkt)

What I have been told and lived knowing is that, marriage is a set up by God for companionship and procreation and should NEVER EVER be abandoned. What I witness is wives leaving their husbands, filing of divorce suits, children left confused…. A huge mess!!! I am so not a master of love, it is way much easier to master the ways of passion.

In conclusion, the time and strategy that two people take to come together and identify themselves as 1 and claim to have love for each other, is perfect by and to them. They are as strong as the weakest person in the whole ordeal. The way that two lovebirds relate, is best felt and understood again by the two. A third opinion or party is basically a spoiler or pointless. Opinions from outside are needed to see thing from a different angle but they are not necessarily viewed from the exact point. Whenever I see someone with the capability to hold on even when things go sour, I am amazed by their strength, independence from family, friends & fiends and belief in their partners. Even when they let go, they do so because they have felt the need to, seen it as the best thing to do, got fed up, couldn’t take it anymore, seen it as pointless and many other reasons; and I give them props for their dedication.

Unashamedly Feminine: A GIRL LIKE ME

Unashamedly Feminine: A GIRL LIKE ME: "This is one of those nights you can't get to sleep. So why waste the night away by staring into the darkness as I await for sleep to envelop..."

A GIRL LIKE ME

This is one of those nights you can't get to sleep. So why waste the night away by staring into the darkness as I await for sleep to envelop me again. Having put that in mind I decide to persue what does 'a girl like me' need /expect from a man.

For y'all who really know me this is the alpha-female side that infected me a long time ago. Anyway, being an alpha-female, as I came to realize, does not necessarily mean the 'self-sufficient', aggressive, control-freak, masculine chic... Now this is a topic for some other day!

Back to where we were, about what I want or expect from a man:-

1. Intellect - This does not necessarily mean outwit me (but if you could that will be a plus). Intellect does not call for outrageous mind games or a who's smarter now kind of competitions. I need someone who can help me view a better way to get through the challenges I go through everyday. Somebody who I can have a mind-stimulating conversation and caoable of a nice analysis as to what opinion I hold without much as wrong judgement.

2. Integrity - A man who lacks an exaggerated view of himself and too much pride. The one who can account for his actions in relation to morality. I don't mean a super 'holy' someone. He might have his past full of skeletons, but he acknowledges it and has made a remakable outcome from it. Integrity does not call for status, wealth or ego, this is a facade that many men believe. and the idea keeps them from growing and learning. I need a such kind of a man because I ill be able to respect him.

3. Authentic - Whenever a lie catches up with someone, not all money in the world could ever buy it back. It is a shame. A lie can only be covered up for only too long. Well, i vouch for the rule that states  'deny, deny.. deny!!! to the point of death'. But in the real sense, dealing with the truth, no matter how much it hurts puts the whole 'thing' on a 'how do we deal with this ground'. I need someone with complete openness and honesty about his interactions and so on..

4. Conservative - I know the times have changed and blah blah.... But seriously, the degradation of social norms is bringing a great impact to the kind of families we about to have. The issue of separations, mistresses n all that which has 'openly' sprout up and  is affecting the ol'skul way of raising kids. I don't want that at all. For those young ones to live a complete upbringing, they need 'both of us'.

5. Sensitivity - How can a guy talk of love if he is incapable of compassion and concern? Men bear the brand of animosity as it is assumed they have no/contained emotions compared to women. Funny how women fall for guys who show the slighest bit of sensitivity, this may be a good sign, but it is not all there is to it.

6. In-control - A guy who can control me to be precise. I  can not be tamed # though you can try haha!! Never mind that, back to serious business. By control I do not mean, outdo, overpower or manipulate. To be in control is more like to govern; to purposefully direct. For me to put my hands below your feet, you have to go down on your knees first... Submission goes a long way, and even the toughest of the alphafemales can succumb to the sweetest person. to be in control needs total dedication, a keen eye, a remedy at hand... e.t.c.

7. Godfearing - Yes, I need a guy who knows God, so that he can be a mentor plus more. When all courage fails, we will know where to tap the strength to go on. It will be a common footing for us for where we started and a clearer picture to where we heading.

Well there might be more than 7, guess it is too common a figure. Anyway, a long day awaits in a couple of hours, time to go back to sleep.

WHY MEN MARRY ….

… B*****S. The first time I read this I was utterly stunned! A part of me tried to acknowledge that it was true while another denied completely. It was on a huge pink book in a store for sale and the texts written in blue. It screamed controversy and yet lots of sales. I stood in that section for about five minutes weighing why and why not get the book. Mind you I was going shopping to restock food stuff back in my room. Impulse was beckoning me. To counteract the effect I started thinking of how many books and items I had seen with such captivating titles and designs yet ended up disappointed. I walked out of the store immediately without much as picking up the book and skimming the back cover page because I was afraid of getting hooked.

So today afternoon a random thought prompted me into analyzing what I read that time. Contrary to what people might say, the ‘B’ word is not at all pleasing. It is an insult that women have accepted being hauled at, just because they want things to go their way. Whenever I overhear someone directly calling or referring to a woman as such, I laugh to myself and take a mental note: intimidated.

I won’t fool you by saying that such a word is always unfairly spoken of someone. Indeed some women are this and to the core. Yet some take full charge of their husbands or boyfriends lives in a possessive manner to the extent that they choose friends for their partners, what they should do at what time e.t.c. not allowing any personal space whatsoever. Insecurities from past incidents are what turn formerly loving women into control freaks or it might be just their hidden nature.

Though uncommon (of late not so much) to hear, some women do batter their husbands. Like seriously, how does a man get beaten up by a woman? And how comes he never found her violent side before settling with her? A man is a figure of strength, authority and security to his partner and children. It must be shattering for a man to get knocked down leave alone talk about it. I guess that is why there is no strong organization founded for such if at all there is one.

Share my opinion or not, there is no such thing as a fully-grown man. No offense meant but men just never ‘fully-grow’ (depending on the way you define that whereby mine and yours might differ). They are either responsible or not, period*!!! Explain a guy’s love for toy cars and real cars throughout his life. In the contrary, women give up many things from dolls, plays, some friends, drinking e.t.c. when faced with various challenges and changes. On the other hand men give up on whatever when they want to. A girl’s life is more controlled by people around her who seem to wish her well due to fact that ‘she is the fairer sex’ and the responsibilities that linger around her.

Hear me out first before you view what I have just said as feministic. A man is the image of identity in his woman’s and children’s lives. The relationship that a man has with his mother is that of pure unconditional love, with seeking of approval, support and nourishment. Even when the entire world is against him, he can always turn to his mother. When he is wrong, she will give him a sweet tongue-lashing with no condemnation that is met by willing-to-hear attitude. If you saw the way he acts around his mum, as his partner you would have a streak of jealousy at the least.

As for a woman and her father, it is that of protectiveness of a father to his little girl always. When she is fully grown, he has to accept it and letting go is the hardest part. That is if they ever were close. A girl has to become her own woman, hoping she will be the best as a wife, mother or nun. Father and son compete for attention from the wife/mother at early stages of life which is psychologically proven. Mother and daughter are close, collide at teenage of the daughter but become confidants when the latter matures and composes herself for family life.

That said, it would be too dull a life if both parties involved were all too serious about life. With no daring to hold hands in public, no sneaked playful kisses, no tugging of hair in public etcetera … Many a men walk in the shadow of masculinity which is often taken as no-nonsense yet when alone with their homes with their family, they portray a softer side depending on their personalities; humor, loving, kind, thoughtful… name them. Yet it would be too good a life if there were no goals to be achieved, roles to be defined, hardships to be overcome and a direction for which everyone should aim at. As we go on with our lives let us step up to our roles, reach compromises and appreciate & respect the women significant to us and to those around us. Bottom line, men select the women who they believe will propel them into making real legacies.